So many of us spend so much time enmeshed in other people's problems, trying to solve or change them, that we don't really know where we begin and they end. Not reacting to people or situations that provoke us is not an easy skill to develop. It takes practice and conviction that not reacting, not increasing the drama, doesn't mean we don't care. On the contrary, we are freed to show genuine love and care only when we can detach from the knee-jerk need to fix, solve, rescue, or control. Even the idea that someone else can make us feel happy (or beautiful or angry) or we them is an illusion, says Casey in this remarkable book. All our feelings come from within and we get to choose how to respond to life.
The meditations in this power-packed little book provide us the tools we need to practice letting go of the illusion that we can control anyone or anything beyond our selves. Casey teaches us to focus on finding our own balance point and recognizing how to get to it whenever we find ourselves tempted to rescue or enmesh.
Whether he’s conscious of it or not, a man’s mother is the model for just about every relationship with a woman he has for the rest of his life. Sometimes it’s obvious (just ask his wife or girlfriend), sometimes it’s more subtle, but when you see it, it becomes crystal clear. For fifteen years, this book has helped men understand their mothers’ pervasive influence over the way they relate to women—both the positive and negative aspects of it. But more than that, it has helped thousands of men break free of old relationship patterns. Gurian gives men a wealth of practical exercises and meditations they can use to recognize their mothers’ influence in relationships, and to establish a healthy and rewarding new basis for relationships that will benefit themselves and the women in their lives as well.
This new edition of the book formerly titled Mothers, Sons, and Lovers includes a new preface and study questions by the author.
A snappy book of simple conversational swaps that reveals how to talk so everyone will listen
Words matter. They can inform, soothe, sting, reverberate, and leave scars. And the wrong words can turn off—literally— the listener, transforming what should be an exchange of information, feelings, and ideas into dead air time. So many of our dialogues with others are like scripts—we say the same things, ask the same questions, react in the same ways, and get the same (predictably bad) responses. Our verbal interactions with others often illustrate that famous definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response. With quick-take visuals and a smart sense of how human beings really talk to each other, Say This, Not That can turn dead air time into something productive. It’s a simple, effective toolbox that will train anyone to say what he means effectively and powerfully.
From the author of Composing a Life (first published in 1991 and still in print), an inspiring exploration of a new stage of the life cycle, “Adulthood II,” created by unprecedented levels of health, energy, time, and resources—of which we have barely begun to be fully conscious.
Mary Catherine Bateson sees aging today as an “improvisational art form calling for imagination and willingness to learn,” and in this ardent, affirming study, she relates the experiences of men and women—herself included—who, upon entering this second adulthood, have found new meaning and new ways to contribute, composing their lives in new patterns.
Among the people Bateson engages in open-ended, in-depth conversations are a retired Maine boatyard worker who has become a silversmith and maker of fine jewelry; an African American woman who explores the importance of grandmothering; two gay men finding contentment in mutual caring; the retired dean of a cathedral in New York City who exemplifies how a multiplicity of interests and connections lead to deeper unity; and Jane Fonda, who shares her ways of dealing with change and spiritual growth.
Here is a book that presents each of us—at any age—with an exhilarating challenge to think about and approach our later lives with the full force of imagination, curiosity, and enthusiasm. At the same time, it speaks to us as members of a larger society concerned about the world that our children and grandchildren, born and not yet born, will inherit. “We live longer,” she says, “but we think shorter.” As adults find themselves entering Adulthood II, making the choices that will affirm and complete the meaning of the lives they have lived, they can play a key role, contributing their perspectives and their experience of adapting to change. In our day, wisdom is no longer associated with withdrawal and passivity but with engagement with others and the contribution that Bateson calls “active wisdom.”
According to lore, a vampire cannot enter your home without an invitation. Putting a spiritual spin on this well-known, mythological rule, Claudia Cunningham pioneers a powerful strategy for dealing with freeloading friends, suffocating spouses, harmful habits, and other "vampires" who drain the heart, mind, and spirit.
This fun, humorous, and indispensable guide—based on spiritual principles the author used to battle dependency—teaches how to cope with toxic relationships and beliefs. Learn how to take personal responsibility for your life and detect vampires with the light of truth. Arm yourself with honesty, humility, and clarity. Practice self-reflection, prayer, and meditation to establish strong boundaries. With an arsenal of self-knowledge and confidence, you'll be equipped to defeat any Draculas coming your way.
